Comet
Written by Rowan’s Dad, Aaron Shimer
When you become a parent, your whole world changes.
Not necessarily in the way you expect though. More than anything, you rearrange your life. Shuffle the deck. Things that used to be important fall to the background and you find your child taking priority—moving directly into the center. Before you know it, your whole world revolves around them, much like earth does the sun.
Your child’s love becomes the warmth that fills your life with light. Once a giver of life to your child, their love now fills you with life in return. This energy of pure, beautiful love is like nothing else in the world. It is fulfilling in entirety—you are complete.
Soon, everything you do is in service to this love. Your job. Your home. Your neighborhood. Your future. It’s all for them. And there are times when it can feel scary. You become scared of losing that love. Scared of living in a world where that feeling doesn’t exist. You can’t imagine life without it. And you do everything you can to protect it. Knowing full well that it’s worth it.
As a parent, you may even feel yourself getting lost in your child’s life. When you give 100% to your child, most days there is nothing left for anyone else—even yourself. But you can’t help it. You have to. Their love compels you. Every thought, every hug, every kiss, every word, every hour, every minute is worth it. Knowing you did everything you could. And hoping it’s enough.
Your goal is to give your child your energy, to give them a life in the hopes their bright light burns long after you’re gone. As your light fades, theirs will shine brightly—bringing new light into this world. There is no greater gift, no greater purpose than giving that to another person.
But sometimes life has other plans. Sometimes children aren’t as permanent as the sun. Some, like Rowan, are mere comets.
Every day, Rowan wore a bracelet baring the word “COMET,” referring to the Cavetown album of the same name. The song describes a comet moth who becomes trapped in a meteor when it swept through Venus' atmosphere and hurtled towards earth. This story and creature was symbolic to Rowan. He made this word the password to his private diary.
They burn brightly—a bright meteor, a magical burst of light, passing by and shooting through the sky like a falling star.
As it comes nearer and nearer, it gets larger, its size and intensity increasing by the moment. We’re drawn toward this intense power and energy as it lights our life—illuminated like a night sky.
Unlike the sun, the comet is changed as it moves closer, into the atmosphere—it is transformed. It burns quickly. Not long for this world. You try to hold on sensing the impermanence of this magical, sparkling light. But it comes crashing down, completing its ascendence, colliding with the ground—its light now diminished.
Alas, nothing physical is permanent. Like the comet, a spirit never really dies. It only changes form. And we—each of us graced by its passing presence in this world—are forever-after changed by it. Now a part of us, it rises again.
“ Graced by its passing presence in this world—forever-after changed by it. Now a part of us, it rises again.”
The following is from an excerpt from Rowan’s diary which he named “Kat,” written on March 3, 2021. Still Ruby at the time, he had now become aware of the presence of anxiety and depression in his life, feeling its effects, he wrote to Kat to release the pressure. Quote Rowan…
“When I was younger, I thought I was gonna have a simple, easy life, like the movies. I was gonna grow up, then die. But now, I know, there are many twists to it that keep you going. The longer you’re around the longer you can see the developing story you create. But also, no matter how many times we get down, we’ll come back up. Always.
Sorry for leaving you on a tangent Kat (Kyatto). I will talk to you later, now that I got it out of my system. However, now that I stop, civilization is gonna be there, and the people will start pulling my pant leg again, so wish me luck. You’re a cat, so I suppose you don’t know what it’s like, but if you do, I wish you luck as well.
Take my thoughts in this entry. And keep it close to your heart. I’ve made my decision. See you in the next book Kat.”
When you love something as much as your child, your biggest fear is one of loss. You’re focused on your child’s future—making sure they have one. But the path we’re on, each of us, is ultimately not in our control. We fool ourselves into thinking we are. This is an illusion we build to comfort ourselves—a protective armor for peace of mind.
As Rowan wisely acknowledges, there are in fact many twists in life. Sometimes those twists are small challenges, sometimes they’re life-changing. The big ones wake us up and at once we see clearly, unable to protect ourselves, our illusory armor is stripped away.
With Rowan’s passing, we reach a pause. We are now fully awake, experiencing the moment and the moment is the teacher. Seeing with clarity what’s happening, the teaching is right there in front of us. And if we lean in, we can be with what’s happening. We are awake in the experience—the pain, the shock, the sadness, the tragedy and confusion, but also the loving kindness, the compassion, the beauty, the gratitude and wonder. We used to say to Rowan…
“Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be grateful that it happened.”
Like the comet, Rowan now shapes us, our being and our lives—transforming us. With great impact, what was transforming him, now transforms because of him. So, let it happen. Be with it. You, me, all of us. Let us transform together.
“ We are forever-after changed by him.
Now a part of us, he rises again, brighter still.”
Originally presented by Rowan’s Dad, Aaron Shimer, on October 8, 2022, sunset at Candlelight Farm with family, friends and loved ones from Rowan’s short and beautiful life.
Night sky photos by Kristopher Roller and Luca J on Unsplash